Gospel of Grit : Brower Briefing

The Gospel of Grit

Dear Westminster Families,

Welcome back! I suspect that for most, the first week of school has gone something like this: shuttling kids to and from one activity to another, getting to meetings, open houses - hopefully on time, navigating pickup lines like seasoned pros (or at least trying to), grabbing another Chick-fil-A dinner on the go, checking backpacks for unfinished homework, packing lunches, all the while thinking just how thankful you are that WSA has uniforms, to eliminate at least one significant daily decision of what my child is going to wear tomorrow!

There’s no doubt that the first few weeks of school can feel like a blur; as the pace is fast, the schedules are full, and the energy is high! But isn’t it exhilarating!?! Soon enough, we’ll find our sea legs and settle into the beautiful rhythm of school life. As we do, we’re reminded of the gift of this community and the joy of growing and Flourishing Together.

A good friend, fellow head of school, and former colleague, Dr. Barrett Mosbacker,  just wrote an open letter to parents that he entitled: Fragility Will Hurt Your Child More Than Failure Will.  As a lifelong Christian/private school educator and coach, I found his words to be of great value as we seek to equip our students for action, for influence, and to be excellent for the name and cause of Jesus Christ. Westminster is a training ground where students’ character will need to develop courage, resiliency, grit, and determination. The encounters and the process to attain such traits will require risk, setback, challenges, failure, responsibility, patience, and, in time, can lead to great reward and preparation for the calling God may be placing on our children. I believe Dr. Mosbacker has done well in framing the challenge for us as parents and the opportunity that lies before our students. I encourage you to keep reading. 

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The Marshmallow Experiment

In the late 1960s, researchers at Stanford University conducted what became known as the “marshmallow experiment.” Children were placed in a room with a marshmallow on the table. They were told they could eat it immediately or they could wait fifteen minutes without touching it and receive a second marshmallow.

For a four-year-old, fifteen minutes feels like an eternity. Some children resisted, others gave in. But years later, when researchers followed up, they found something remarkable: those who had waited scored significantly higher on standardized tests and demonstrated better academic and social outcomes than those who had not.

The lesson is clear. A child’s success depends less on I.Q. than on what might be called C.Q.—their Character Quotient. The ability to persevere, delay gratification, and withstand challenge is more predictive of future flourishing than raw intelligence.

 

Fragility Versus Failure

This leads to an important truth for us as Christian parents: fragility will hurt your child more than failure will. Failure, while painful in the moment, is a powerful teacher. It builds resilience, humility, and perseverance. Fragility, on the other hand, is the inability or unwillingness to endure hardship. When children are shielded from every difficulty, they are robbed of the opportunity to grow strong in character.

As one private school leader observed:

Our kids don’t put up with a lot of suffering. They don’t have a threshold for it. They’re protected against it quite a bit. And when they do get uncomfortable, we hear from their parents. What kids need more than anything is a little hardship: some challenge, some deprivation that they can overcome.

Fragility breeds weakness. Failure, embraced with perseverance and faith, produces strength.

 

Practical Ways to Cultivate Grit

So how can we help our children grow in grit and godly character?

• Set high standards for character, and model them yourself. Our culture constantly lowers the bar, but parents must resist. We are called to raise the standard, not follow the downward drift.
• Allow your children to struggle and fail. Protecting them from every difficulty might feel loving, but in truth, it is harmful. Struggle is not the enemy. Fragility is.
• Teach them rigor. In Christian schools, rigor is not about piling on more work. It is the balance of complexity and independence—helping students wrestle with problems and learn to do so on their own. Let them wrestle with their work. Don’t do it for them and don’t let them take the easy way out. 
• Require responsibility in the little things. Navy Admiral William McRaven once told graduates, “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.” Small tasks done well form the foundation for greater responsibilities. Jesus said the same long before: “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much” (Luke 16:10).
• Give them real work. Your home is not a hotel, and you are not a bellhop. Chores matter. Good habits shape good character. I remember washing dishes every day for twenty-six weeks, earning fifty cents a week so I could buy a $13 Timex watch. That small discipline taught me lessons worth far more than the watch.

 

The Gift of Gospel Grit

As Christian parents, we are not simply raising children who can pass exams or earn degrees. We are raising young men and women who are called to love God, serve others, and persevere in faith through trials. The Bible tells us that “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Romans 5:3-4). The greatest gift you can give your children is not ease or protection, but the strength of grit shaped by the gospel. Allow them to struggle. Insist on responsibility. Hold them to high standards. Help them wait for life’s marshmallows.

In the end, fragility will harm them far more than failure ever will. But through perseverance, character, and faith, they will be prepared not only for college and career, but for a faithful life of service to Christ.

No tree becomes rooted and sturdy unless many a wind assails it. For by its very tossing it tightens its grip and plants its roots more securely; the fragile trees are those that have grown in a sunny valley. It is, therefore, to the advantage even if good men, to the end that they may be unafraid, to live constantly amidst alarms.—Seneca

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Some of the most memorable, impactful, and life-shaping experiences I’ve had have come through setbacks and failures. I never would have chosen them, but looking back, I wouldn’t trade them. Each one became an opportunity for growth, learning, and stretching. Most importantly, they taught me to lean not on my own sufficiency, but on God.

Time and again, I’ve been led to a place of humility and been reminded that my identity is not marked by perfection, performance, or accolades, but in simply being faithful with what God has placed before me today and to work heartily for the Lord, for His glory and good pleasure.

A failure or setback is never the end. In fact, it often holds the potential for something new, deeper, and greater.  There is no better time or place for our students to learn these lessons now! 

 

Rooted in Christ - Flourishing Together, 

Dr. Shawn Brower 
Head of School